The Urban Dictionary defines the term ‘butthurt’ as: “An inappropriately strong negative emotional response from a perceived personal insult.”
“Don’t get butthurt!”
A young friend and I were waiting for a show (play) to start, and she said this to me in response to some irritable comment I’d made to her. Now, I’m in my 30s, and my friend (who is actually a part of my extended family), is not yet 20.
That didn’t stop us both from cracking up like teenagers (and actually getting “shushed” by her mother)!
Since then, I’ve loved the word ‘butthurt’. I’m on the autism spectrum, so I tend to get stuck on words, names, phrases, and such all the time. Nothing new there.
Well, a few days ago, my butt started hurting. I mean, I could feel a rash developing between my butt cheeks, and it was getting really uncomfortable.
“Oh, my God,” I thought. “I’m literally butthurt!”
Thus, an article idea was born.
Here’s the thing, when you have chronic gastrointestinal problems, you experience symptoms you don’t want to talk about. Believe me, I understand. These are some embarrassing health issues!
So…if you have leaky gut syndrome, irritable bowel syndrome, inflammatory bowel disease, Crohn’s, or any other condition that makes your bowel movements irregular, you could end up with “adult diaper rash” (even if you’re not wearing a diaper).
Medication can do a number on your digestive system, too. If you take certain prescription drugs, like muscle relaxants or anxiety pills, you could end up with anal seepage.
Speaking of weird side effects, if you’ve never seen Jeff Foxworthy’s bit on this topic, take a few minutes and watch the video below. It never fails to make me laugh.
So, anal seepage is basically when you poo, wipe up, think you’re done, and continue to go about your day when while later, your body decides to do a bit more waste removal on its own, leaving some leftover…ahem, matter between your cheeks.
It’s that prolonged contact with waste matter that irritates your nearby skin cells, resulting in that itchy, sore, uncomfortable feeling.
Below is a list of things you can use and do in the privacy of your own home to relieve rear end rash naturally.
Stuff You Can Use
- Witch Hazel
Witch hazel is a cheap, effective natural remedy for skin inflammation because it contains tannins and polyphenols. These healing ingredients help reduce swelling, inflammation, and cellular damage.
With freshly-washed hands, pour some witch hazel into a large, organic cotton ball and gently rub it over the affected areas. For deeper relief, keep the cotton ball between your cheeks for 15 to 20 minutes before removing it.
- Chamomile Tea
Chamomile tea is a helpful natural remedy for a sore, itchy butt. This healing tea reduces swelling and redness due to its antioxidant, antimicrobial, and anti-inflammatory properties. It also acts as a disinfectant.
For this remedy, heat water just like you would for tea. Pour the water into a cup containing a chamomile teabag and allow it to cool for some time. When you can reach in (with clean hands) and pull the teabag out with no discomfort, place the teabag twixt your butt cheeks, and leave it there for 20 to 30 minutes.
Just because you’re not wearing diapers doesn’t mean friction isn’t making your butt hurt. If you’re prone to bouts of frequent loose stools, your butt cheeks rubbing together is all it can take to cause an uncomfortable rash.
Cornstarch absorbs excessive moisture on your skin and helps keep the area dry. Furthermore, it promotes the healing of cracked skin while cooling your hot bottom.
Cornstarch can get a little messy, so you might want to lay a towel down or stand in the tub while using it. In a clean hand, scoop up about a teaspoon full of cornstarch and gently rub it onto the affected area.
Alternatively, you can mix one tablespoon of organic, non-GMO cornstarch into two tablespoons of raw, unrefined coconut oil and gently smooth the mixture onto the affected area.
Organic Greek yogurt (plain) can be a lifesaver when your nether regions are sore and uncomfortable. Not only does chilled yogurt offer instant relief from the painful rash, the milk-whey in the yogurt reduces further chafing.
Moreover, the live cultures in yogurt help fight bad bacteria while repopulating the area with helpful bacteria.
Yogurt can also be helpful in the natural treatment of yeast infections and vaginal itching.
- Coconut Oil
Coconut oil is another ideal natural remedy for a rear end rash because it contains lauric and caprylic acids, both of which are yeast-fighting substances. Furthermore, the antimicrobial, antiviral, antibacterial, and antifungal properties of coconut oil help promote healing.
For best results, gently wash the affected area, and allow your bottom to dry. Then, apply up to a tablespoon of coconut oil with your fingertips. In addition to healing your painful rash, it will also act as a barrier between your skin and excess waste.
- Apple Cider Vinegar
Apple cider vinegar is also useful for treating rear end rash naturally. It contains alpha hydroxy acids that remove dead skin to reveal healthy new skin.
ACV also contains malic acid, making it a good defense against viruses, bacteria, and fungi. Raw, unfiltered apple cider vinegar is a good source of probiotics, which can help repopulate the area with friendly bacteria.
For best results with this remedy, mix one tablespoon of ACV into a 4-ounce spray bottle, shake well, and spray directly onto the affected area.
*Note: Depending on how sore and irritated your skin is, ACV may sting. Increase the amount of water or reduce the amount of ACV until you find a mixture that is both comfortable and effective for you.
Choose organic, raw, undistilled, and unfiltered ACV for best results.
Aloe contains an anti-inflammatory component called B-sitosterol, making it yet another efficient remedy for rear end rash. It also has infection-fighting properties and contains skin-repairing vitamin E.
For best results, cut open a fresh aloe leaf, scoop out the pulp and juice, and apply it to the affected area.
Things You Can Do
- Clean Gently
I’ll be honest, I don’t always follow my own advice on this. I’ve been known to rub my skin raw trying to clean up after a less-than-stellar poop. Resist the urge. Clean gently, even if you have to get a warm washcloth and spend a little extra time. Your butt will thank you.
- Use Fewer Artificial Chemicals
Commercial butt wipes may make you feel cleaner after a go, but they’re not the best choice. If your bum is irritated to begin with, the artificial chemicals and scents in these wipes will only make things worse.
Moreover, if you’re using vaginal cream, scented pantyliners, scented soap, douche, or spray, stop right now. Those products disrupt the delicate pH balance of your skin, which can cause rashes all over the place down there.
(Imagine trying to explain that to someone special. “No, honey. I don’t have an STD. I just have an adult diaper rash that’s spreading to my vulva.” Yeah…no.)
- Get Some Natural Assistance
I reviewed a product called Fresh Assist a few months back, and I really liked it. Its active ingredients include lavender, chamomile, and aloe. You just spray it on toilet paper, wipe, and flush. It smells great and really cuts down on that urge to “scrub” yourself clean.
- Go Commando
Excessive moisture buildup can worsen rashes in your nether regions. Whenever you get the chance, go commando, and let it all hang out. No panties, jeans, sweats, or yoga pants. If you must, wear a long skirt or very loose, gauzy pants and just walk around like that. Going to bed sans underwear also helps let your skin breathe, balance, and dry out on its own.
- Take a Probiotic
A probiotic supplement repopulates your gut with healthy bacteria, which can help kill unfriendly bacteria while making your poops more solid. A BMJ study showed that differences in gut microbiota composition can cause atopy (tendency to develop allergic diseases).
If you’re prone to allergies and inflammation, a probiotic can help reduce these symptoms, healing and preventing rashes from the inside out.
Note: If your stools are already too loose, use a fiber supplement along with the probiotic to bulk everything up. This way, waste will come out more smoothly and thoroughly, which will reduce the risk of matter staying stuck on your skin after a go.
It’s easy to get butthurt when your butt hurts. However, these tips, tricks, and natural remedies should help ease discomfort and reduce rashes whenever you answer nature’s call.
After all, shit happens, right? 😉
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